Saturday, September 13

To Colby


Your mother is far better at writing down memories than I am but I feel as though I should write about my feelings from when I first found out that you were going to be joining our family to this morning when I woke up to calm you down and let mom get some more sleep.

When we found out that we were going to have a baby I had two feelings- unparalleled excitement and unparalleled fear.  First I want to talk about the excitement.

I didn’t know if you were going to be a boy or girl yet but I didn’t care.  I knew that you and I were going to be best friends and that we were going to learn new things and go on adventures together.  I knew that you and I were going to have times where we laughed so hard we cried.  I knew that we would learn from each other and help each other become better in every way.  I knew that you would motivate me to work harder, be better, and love deeper.  I knew that you would be an example to your future siblings.

But there was also what I didn’t know.
I didn’t know how I would be able to protect you from all the terrible things on this earth.  I didn’t know how I would be able to make sure you always had everything you needed.  I didn’t know how I would be able to share the love I have for your mother with you.  I didn’t know how to be the example you would need.  I didn’t know how I would teach you things that even I didn’t fully understand.

My excitement matched my fear.  Every time we went to have a digital look at your progress I was always filled with this fear and excitement.  After waiting for far too long we finally arrived at the day where you and I were able to meet.

Your mother was incredible.  After months and months of physical torment she pushed through the final pain to bring you where we could both hold you together.  It was incredible seeing you for the first time.  You had hair!  You had beautiful eyes!  You were already impressing the nurses with your long arms and legs.  One of the nurses even said that you would be an amazing basketball player!
You made me so proud.  You went through such a terrifying moment with so many dramatic changes and you calmed down so that we could hold you for the first time.  Feeling your skin touch ours was indescribable.  When I first looked into your big eyes I knew I was overwhelmed with emotion.
The longer I held you the more excitement and fear I had.  I will have that excitement and fear for the rest of my life but as the months have gone by the fear has been overcome by the excitement and replaced with a deep calm.

Why calm?  Because I know in my heart that while I may not be able to overcome all of the fears that I have for you I know that I will try as hard as I am physically, mentally, and spiritually able to.  If I give you everything I have in my being I know that you will be happy, safe, and strong.
Love other people- even the ones that seem to seem to only want to hurt others.  They need love the most.  Protect yourself and those you love.  Protect that which you know to be true.  Learn new things.  Challenge yourself.  Challenge the known and unknown of this world.  Never be afraid to fail.  Never be afraid to try.

I love you Colby and I am so proud of you.  I am going to make sure I spend my life making sure you know that.

Tuesday, January 7

2014 Goals

I have made some goals for the next year.... things I want to focus on, things I want to do. And of course the number one thing on my list is to give birth to a healthy baby boy this May.

At this point I think I would be okay with baby boy coming a few days late just because it would give us some more time to plan and Nate a little more time to look for a job after he graduates at the beginning of that month. But I'm sure as I get closer and closer I will be ready to have him out of me. And really, I already wish I could give him a little snug.

But anyway, here is my list of goals for the year, they may change as life changes. But this is what I want to do.

1) Give birth to a healthy baby boy
2) Go to the dentist
3) Get my eyes checked
4) Run a 5k
5) Eventually get back to pre pregnancy weight

1) Have xxx in savings (you don't need to know how much money we have)
2) Pay at least 5,000 towards student loan debt

1) Go to the temple at least 2 times
2) Pay a full tithe
3) Read the Book of Mormon

1) Get blog to at least 150,000 views a month
2) Get at least $500 a month from blog ads or sponsored posts

1) Clean out baby room closet
2) Take extra clothes and misc items to DI
3) Paint baby room
4) Paint guest room
5) Organize under the stairs - add a light

1) Take a cooking class
2) Read 10 books

And that's all I've got for right now. I think its good to have things for us to focus on and work towards even if we don't accomplish our goals exactly to the T. I just know I want to improve myself this year to make myself a better person, a better wife and a good mama!

Thursday, January 2

Baby BOY!

We went to the doctor this morning for my ultrasound. We were anxious to find out if our little gnocchi is a boy or a girl, but even more anxious to find out that the baby is healthy.

The ultrasound tech did lots of measurements of baby as we looked around in there to see how he's growing. Measured his brain, the distance from my placenta to cervix, his spine and more. And while we were looking around we saw that our little baby is in fact a HE!

As we were looking around in there the tech showed us something and said "there is no question about the gender on this one" as we saw our little man with his little man parts. I won't post a picture, because I don't want him to be embarrassed one day about it being online!

I could have sworn this little one was going to be a girl - so, so much for having mother's intuition on that one. We couldn't be more thrilled that it will be a boy joining our family. Having an older watchful older brother just seems like the best option, and hopefully he will be a great example to our other future children.

I do hope however that we don't get stuck with the 4 boys like Nate's parents did, I really do want a little girl one day!

We have a few names in mind, but haven't decided on one just yet. And I'm not sure if we will decide before he's born or not, and even if we do, I'm not sure if we will share it or not, because I don't want any negative thoughts about our choices.

Tonight we are going to Babies R Us to look for a crib, and hopefully a cute first outfit for our little guy - as I currently own ZERO boy baby clothes!

I can't wait to meet this little man in just about 19 weeks (he was measuring 2 days ahead of our due date in size, so I wonder when he will actually come) but hope he grows a little bit more until then, as he's not even 1 pound yet!

Ps. Sorry we didn't do a cute gender reveal, we were too excited to wait and not tell everyone right away. So here's our big announcement!